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profoundly disturbed said on February 21st, 2005 at 1:08 pm :

kines,. my dear friend, u have no idea how much i get what ur talking about. from my interperetation of yur post, i think we are tavelling in the same boat, even though the destination may vary. sometimes, u just have to let those secrets out or else they accumulate untill you explode. the erruption will be not so unlike a volcano, but your lava will be little plastic balls flying everywhere. my only advice to you is: write it down! in a little diary of your own, for your eyes only. after having written u feel alot better. then, a while later when you look back and read what u wrote, u understand it better and that often helps. i dont know if this helped at all, but i hope it did. bysies!


Olivia said on February 22nd, 2005 at 7:46 pm :

dear riv,
i agree with profoundly disturbed…
i am really sorry about all that. you should do what the canadian dictator used to do: AHH AHH AHHHHH remember? ;)
love you tons and a half,

Feb 21, 2005 | Secrets Untold

I hold too many secrets, and it scares me a bit. If secrets were tangible objects somehow encapsulated within me in small plastic globes, you most certainly would not want to see me in surgery or in a car accident, because you’d see those round plastic containers bouncing all over the place, and next thing you know, the Daily Herald would have an exclusive on “Boy Killed- Spills Beans in Shape of Plastic Bubbles”. As a Christian, I know my secrets are not entirely my own, but still, it makes me feel like those computers that are riddled with spyware and adware you can hardly navigate the Web (who says ‘navigate’ now… its surfing the Net, no?), let alone get anything done without some iffyish company tracking your every move. Sometimes I guess it feels nice to reformat, to clean and erase everything and to start anew, without any regrets.

Yesterday there was a baby who was baptised at our Church. I’m still not entirely comfortable with the Catholic, ritualistic approach to God, but I guess it’s just one of the many roads leading to the same destination. Still, the baptising kinda reminded me of the ‘reformatting’ I mentioned earlier. To think that probably she too, along with the masses out there, will also keep secrets she will carry to her grave.

Some people say telling another person about their secrets proves as a mean to redemption, a confession, if you will. Obviously here I don’t refer to the secrets of the type bestowed to you by others, the “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but so and so likes so and so” sort. These are relatively harmless. The ones that prove to be capable of being redeemed are those that will often jeopardise the welfare of someone (often yourself) and to share that information with someone without the fear of terrible consequences is certainly a good feeling… Right now, just as everyone’s nose is clogged up with the cold, so too do my feelings feel all bottled up. If only there existed an easy means to let go of everything.

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